In both the vanilla and poly words we all fall prey to the heartbreak and disappointment of forever.
We forget that no one can see the future or control it and that people and their needs change over time.
Forever can be a month or it can be till death, but realistically forever does not exist.
One thing that people, regardless of D/s interactions where one is owned and becomes their owner’s property or a free individual in a vanilla relationship, should strive to do is to enjoy the moments and cherish the memories.
Your version of forever may happen, but barring abuse and lies, be conscious that people do change and that is ok.
Submissives. Did you not change from an unowned individeal to constantly reminding yourself of your place?
Slaves, did you not learn to submit yourself to your Master in mind, body, and spirit?
Dominants, Have you not learned what it means to have ownership and what it means to be a leader so that you may have the authority and take on responsibility for the life of another person?
Those who are not in D/s exchanges, have you not learned that you do not own your partner? That you may make a request?
Have you not learned to reconstruct your view of relationships and take responsibility for your emotions?
You have experienced growth in your journey and that can change past agreements.
If also like to give you a second perspective of “forever”? If you look up the term, “continually” is also listed as a definition of forever.
This mean that when someone says forever and the relationship ends they did necessarily stop loving you. It most likely means the type of love shifted. Not all valid love is romantic. As an aromantic person, I myself am very familiar with the various types of love.
- Eros which is sexual or passionate love. This is the type of love commonly associated with our view of love in romantic relationships.
- Philia which is friendship. This is a very unrated type of love in our western society and a cause of strict division in our views of relationships and their fluidity.
- Storge which is a familial type of love where we group together. This is where familial ties come into play.
- Agape which is a general sense of love. This is what I consider a base love that all of us have. It is out humanity and compacity to care for other people who have no ties to us.
- Ludus which is uncommitted love. A lot of us are familiar with this type of love and how much is can help us grow.
- Pragma which is love that is also accompanied by practicality.
- Philautia which is self-love and self-love is something that many of us do not know we struggle with.
You see, there are listed seven forms of one of the emotional and chemical based experiences that we as human have. All of those are beautiful in their own right and give us what we crave if we are open to it.
And as polyamorous individuals, I see our community still struggling to be open to the many shapes a relationship can take. That there are those who still run from the idea that your partners do not have to be everything for you or carbon copies of each other. That we do not need to have a relationship that is going to reach a certain point, but that there is a difference in negotiating the option that we have that destination in mind.
You can have your escalator, the final destination just may not be what you imagined.
Terms to look up:
Queerplatonic relationship, zucchini, aromantic relationship, platonic relationship, close friendship, romantic friendship, friends with benefits, sexual relationship