… If you decide to enter a relationship that has set rules and that is expected to be closed, I think things are likely to go bad if you end up not liking the rules or change/ grow as a person and don’t have the ability to discuss it.
From the discussions I witnessed lately, it is my humble opinion that if a couple is looking for a “unicorn” the person interested in the relationship with them should look at it as if they will be a secondary partner to prepare themselves for the worst and give the relationship time to change. ( But that’s how I would do things bc that what I do in general. I’ve been the third and to me, it’s safer being prepared.)
Please don’t invest so much into the relationship in the beginning bc I can testify that being a part of the original dyad in my relationship, you can’t feel the same way about a new person as you feel about someone who has been in your life and dealt with your pain for a while, all the time.
Relationships take time and work and I think that sometimes some people in the poly community forget that fact and look simply to have fun.
I personally take my commitments to both of my partners seriously, in different ways based on the way the relationship is progressing in our triad-magiger. I’ve known my fiance for 8 years and have been dating him almost 3 of those years. I’ve known our partner 10 months and have been with her 8- 9 months. Both relationships are different bc honestly you can’t expect every relationship to follow a model. People and relationships are organic and it hurts me to know that people are hurting bc many are forgetting to communicate wants, needs, desires and expecting people to follow their model.
~~~thoughts sparked by this article and a discussion on one of the many fb groups I’m in.