My relationship (which really I had a few in high-school but it was high-school so a few weeks of dating or so didn’t really count to me like it does for some people) consisted of 4 people. Everyone knew, and everyone was fine with it.
Now I’ll admit, it was my boyfriend that took this less serious and the girlfriends that were way more serious about this and I believe it was because we( the girls) all had the shared belief that the relationship wasn’t about claims or the fact that we were with multiple partners but because we all felt a bond with each other. When I think back to this time, I realize that our relationship wasn’t about anything more than us feeling that we had a deep emotional bond to each other that we didn’t feel was defined by a normal friendship. We were close friends but we felt our relationship surpassed the confines of traditional friendship.
We loved each other as friends. We could have loved each other as lovers. None of us we big on sex in high-school. We felt that sex in high-school was something people did just to have something to do and that you don’t need sex to express your devotion and feelings for someone.
It is that philosophy on relationships in which, I believe, that allows polyamorous( and/ or polygamous) relationships to work. If you need sex to make the relationship feel real or work, can that really be a true emotional love based romantic involvement?
What is romance? Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love. (Free Dictionary…)
Where does it mention sexual attraction or sex?
I’m not saying that there isn’t going to be sex. It is, in its most spiritual form (not religiously tied at all), a way of physically demonstrating the emotions you feel for someone (Tangent: Let’s avoid the whole biological reason we reproduce please, it has no place here at the moment. Though I saw an article that mentioned that there are some biological reasons why men may choose multiple female partners. If I can find it again I’ll post it. Or you can Google it. Back to Post). Sex is a good thing, but it doesn’t make or break a true love based relationship. Note: I just don’t like it as much I guess, so its towards the bottom of my list.
I think poly can legitimately work if people are willing to make it work. Some argue God made one man and one female. I argue that the world is so complex that one partner may not be able to completely fill a need as much as another person can. What if a close friend can? What if that friend and your partner feel that their bond is stronger than friendship? What if you were in your partner’s position?
My fiance makes me completely happy which is why I’m cool with being mono, but I’ve told him we can always expand for him.
In no way, shape or form am I saying people have to be poly. That’s like saying everyone has to be mono or straight. You can’t say that. I’m saying that people shouldn’t look down on poly people because poly people’s relationships aren’t just about sex. There are some people who are poly just for the sex (but in my personal opinion they aren’t really poly, they are just in it for the sex, not the love). Please don’t lump together.