An Interdisciplinary Approach to Analyzing Plural Relationships Sustainability in Society.

An Interdisciplinary Approach to Analyzing Plural Relationships Sustainability in Society.

Interdisciplinary Studies XXXX; Section XXX

University of Texas #########

Fall, XXXX

** Now I have made updates to the original paper. Some are just pointed out changes since it was written or injecting info that I had not considered ( some annoying binaries), that could be changed without rewriting.**

In our modern society, monogamy is the only lifestyle that is viewed as viable under current social, political, and economic conditions. I disagree with the ideology that there is no other viable relationship style other than monogamy. The census definition of family is “A group of two or more people who reside together and who are related by birth, marriage, or adoption” (, 2011). Society today, though, does not necessarily qualify family using the strict definitions of the census, but rather as a mix family, kinship and household; related and unrelated. Understanding the phenomena of this definition of what makes a social grouping, I assert that plural relationships are viable. Within the scope of this paper I will seek to explain that while monogamy is the societal norm, plural relationships are a valid alternative relationship structure, that is sustainable and in need of the same recognition given to monogamous couples, because not doing so is an infringement of individuals who believe in the concept of plurality rights.

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Intersecting D/s and poly – The escalator to forever.

In both the vanilla and poly words we all fall prey to the heartbreak and disappointment of forever.

We forget that no one can see the future or control it and that people and their needs change over time.

Forever can be a month or it can be till death, but realistically forever does not exist.

One thing that people, regardless of D/s interactions where one is owned and becomes their owner’s property or a free individual in a vanilla relationship, should strive to do is to enjoy the moments and cherish the memories.

Your version of forever may happen, but barring abuse and lies, be conscious that people do change and that is ok.

Submissives. Did you not change from an unowned individeal to constantly reminding yourself of your place?

Slaves, did you not learn to submit yourself to your Master in mind, body, and spirit?

Dominants, Have you not learned what it means to have ownership and what it means to be a leader so that you may have the authority and take on responsibility for the life of another person?

Those who are not in D/s exchanges, have you not learned that you do not own your partner? That you may make a request?
Have you not learned to reconstruct your view of relationships and take responsibility for your emotions?

You have experienced growth in your journey and that can change past agreements.

If also like to give you a second perspective of “forever”? If you look up the term, “continually” is also listed as a definition of forever.

This mean that when someone says forever and the relationship ends they did necessarily stop loving you. It most likely means the type of love shifted. Not all valid love is romantic. As an aromantic person, I myself am very familiar with the various types of love.

What are the types of love?

You see, there are listed seven forms of one of the emotional and chemical based experiences that we as human have. All of those are beautiful in their own right and give us what we crave if we are open to it.

And as polyamorous individuals, I see our community still struggling to be open to the many shapes a relationship can take. That there are those who still run from the idea that your partners do not have to be everything for you or carbon copies of each other. That we do not need to have a relationship that is going to reach a certain point, but that there is a difference in negotiating the option that we have that destination in mind.

You can have your escalator, the final destination just may not be what you imagined.


Terms to look up:

Queerplatonic relationship, zucchini, aromantic relationship, platonic relationship, close friendship, romantic friendship, friends with benefits, sexual relationship


The 4 Kinds of Love Relationships


Intersecting D/s and poly: Making your fantasy a reality.

Let’s make one thing exceedingly clear.

Non-monogamous and BDSM relationships are designer relationships.  Unlike monogamy, designer relationships don’t have a set framework agreed upon by society as a whole. At its base, we can agree that a monogamous pairing is a partnership. There are certainly variables to monogamous partnerships, but generally, if you know someone is in a relationship you understand that there is another partner and they are likely exclusive to that person to an extent.
With non-monogamy, however, it gets extremely complex with the variety of groupings and types of relationships just one person can be in as one hinge to multiple people.
This is what makes these relationships designer. Not because polyamory and D/s are often branded as for the well-off and white. It is because we actually have to construct what our relationships will look like by figuring out who we are and what we want and need.

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Emotional Literacy is Important. Seriously Learn it.

General disclaimer: I’m not a psychologist. I just like studying self-knowledge and becoming self-aware. While I am going to school for this stuff, I’m not an expert.

What is emotional literacy anyways?

To summarize the key points of emotional literacy, it is a form of self-awareness that allows us to communicate and take responsibility for our emotions and feel secure doing so.

I like Claude Steiner’s (1997) breakdown of the parts of emotional literacy.

  1. Knowing your feelings.
  2. Having a sense of empathy.
  3. Learning to manage your emotions.
  4. Repairing emotional problems.
  5. Putting it all together or emotional interactivity.

Because I appreciate the structure of this breakdown this post will follow its example for this discussion.

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Poly 101ish Info Pack

Inspire by a mono friend who asked questions about him and his husband opening their relationship. This will probably become the base of an FAQ for this site.

Would you tell me more about polyamory?
First, the definition is having ( or having the compacity or desire to have) more than one intimate or loving relationship simultaneously. There are many ways that love and intimacy manifest as sexuals are learning to be acutely aware of, as well as many ways to create relationships.

What are important things to remember?

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Black, Poly, Intersectional Feminism.

Discussing polyamory as rooted in womanism, not your typical white washed privilege.


This is a write-up I did for the Black & Poly group that I assist in moderating in. This is a summation of my belief in why I believe Black, polyamorous spaces are needed (really POC need spaces to discuss things in general) and a summation of the group’s stance on the “Polyamory is Feminist at its foundation.” statement.
Polyamory is based on some pretty feminist ideas:
  • Sexual self-determination (which women often lack pre-suffrage).
  • Redefining and redesigning your love life rather than sticking to societies proscribed rules.
  • Establishing that women have a choice ( mostly by disrupting gender roles).
  • Providing an equitable way to achieve your goals.
  • Reducing the likeliness of force possession and control by addressing the fact that people are not objects and focusing on relationship negotiations.
  • And in theory, women should have equal footing to communicate their wants and needs, without feeling guilty or shamed for exploring them.
Let’s be real, our relationship style does have its roots in feminism, but for us ( read: black people and POC in general) it’s not this mainstream thing created to be palatable. You see feminism is a spectrum of socio-political movements and ideologies that have a base goal to establish equal rights for all genders in the political, economic, and social spheres, by focusing on the minority group who did not have equal rights. That seems relatively harmless right. Mainstream feminism, however, has been tainted by the historical focus on white middle to upper-class women and thus ignoring the intersection between all women’s issue. In short, it is blinded by white privilege.

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Being queer in a hetero assigned relationship.

Originally posted on Fetlife and added to my primary kink writing blog.

Why hetero assigned?

Simply the assumption that because I am a girl and married to a guy I’m must be hetero. I could go into a shit ton of rantyness about assuming genders as well, but I’m not sure that is my place as I am Cis.

I have not identified as heterosexual ever.

Before I understood things about love and kinda about sex I just liked people.
Then I realized I like girls. I really like girls.

So I figured I was just into girls which is why I didn’t understand the preoccupation with sex bc guys had been a major focus.

Then I realized I just wasn’t sexually attracted to anyone.

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What is Polyamory?

Some parts of this writing are from my personal writing on my blogs and Fetlife account. There may be repeat into, but I eel this more concise.
Most people believe that monogamy is the only way to structure a relationship when in fact it’s not. Monogamy became a norm because it had advantages that are seen beneficial to individuals. These benefits fall into the categories of: social, economic, and power. It essentially guaranteed you had a partner to share resources, produce and raise offspring, and in some cases, it gave you a boost in status.

But monogamy has never been the only way to structure relationships. What humans do is called serial monogamy. It’s essentially the idea that you be with one person at a time, so we aren’t truly monogamous. It helps to avoid some nasty emotions, like jealousy, sometimes. We choose a structure that was easier to use during human evolution and assigned our meaning to sex and relationships which even today you can tell that people have varying beliefs when it comes to those, whether culturally or religiously defined.

Relationships structures, like most things, are a spectrum. You have download (13)monogamy to non-monogamy and then even non-monogamy is broken down further. There are essentially 7 basic types of non-monogamy

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